Ever notice how women will reach out and touch a cat?

Men, too, will often find themselves irresistibly attracted to pussies  (of one kind or another)... There’s just something about them. It’s perhaps more true of touchable hair than it is of Pringles potato chips, that once you start (or 'pop' in the case of Pringles), you just can’t stop.

Hmm. Wait a minute. “Once you pop, you just can’t stop”. Nice sexual innuendo. And how about those potato chips, called, you know... "Lays"? Gee, now, who’d like you to psychologically confuse eating their chips with getting laid?

Next thing you know, they'll be telling you to eat TWO potato chips at a time... so you can 'double your pleasure, double your fun'. Hey, wait. Don't they already do that with gum? Crafty bastards these marketing folks are -- linking cheezy products into your fantasies. Double gum sales is more accurate, though! Damn mindf*ckers. But they can't fool us! Not anymore!

But enough about how advertisers manipulate you into thinking that you can sleep with a can of chips or a package of gum. There's tons you can learn from them and apply to your own life of love and/or seduction, yes, but let's concentrate on hair again for now.

Hair, yes. You’ve had it for years. Now isn’t it time you did something with it?

I am going to tell you how to make your hair just as fantastically touchable as that of a wee kitty cat… so girls (or boys -- whatever happens to be your pleasure) will want to fondle it, run their fingers through it, pull it, stroke it, etc..

Appealing hair really will get people fantasizing... fantasizing about playing with your hair... in bed! And if you have a sensitive head – or a head fetish, if you will – boy, will this be fantastic for you. Your hair will become an invitation for touch. You'll be 'getting head' more now than ever, and this secret alone will put you into 7^th heaven!

Now, one thing I've noticed while studying hair care is that conditioners don’t condition too well… well, not anymore, at least. Yet many years ago, they seemed to work magic. Why? What's the difference?

One day, after shampooing and rinsing my hair, I found that my normal bottle of conditioner was pretty much spent. Empty. Kaput.

I have hair that needs some kind of conditioning, so this wasn’t a very good predicament to be in. I searched the bathroom frenetically for something that had some conditioning power. Snuggle fabric softener. Shoe polish. I was up for anything.

Luckily, I didn’t have to go that far. Being the semi-sloth that I am finally paid off. I found an old bottle of conditioner lying about in the deep recesses of a bathroom closet that hadn’t been cleaned in year. What I ended up with was a part of history itself in my hands. A bottle of conditioner from 1985. 1985! I felt like Indiana Jones, triumphant with my archeological find… and the high adventure that would await me as I delivered it to the institute…

Er…

But I’m not Indiana Jones.

So instead I delivered the conditioner to my hair. And it worked absolutely marvelously! Really. I was scared it wouldn’t… or that it might kill me… or at least cause some form of degenerative blindness... the loss of a testicle, maybe... But, no! Only good stuff happened -- my hair came out softer, shinier, and all around better than it had in many, many years. Unbelievable.

When you switch conditioners, you generally get fantastic results, since one kind of conditioner has a different kind of buildup than another … so switching always helps, at least temporarily.

But this handy little conditioner, which I kept on using, didn’t start to suck quite as quickly as other ones. Whereas previously switching products only seemed good for maybe a week tops, this gave me extra soft, extra shiny, extra irresistible hair for… Well, I dunno. The buildup effects of this 'vintage' conditioner never did get anywhere near as bad as the more modern stuff… but I’d say that it was a good month and half before the results I was getting with each use were a good deal different than the results I got the first time I used it.

Impressive. Very impressive.

So what is the difference? 

At that time, I started to develop a neurotic obsession with the ingredients of conditioners… And after a while, I started to see some patterns, and finally understood what that old conditioner didn’t have that 99.9% of the current products do. And those are the alcohols that they use for conditioning now… that is, cetyl alcohol, cetereal alcohol, and stearyl alcohol, among others.

Putting alcohol in your hair didn’t seem that smart to me. But it turned out that these were so-called fatty alcohols. They do have conditioning properties, but the overall result is not necessarily as positive as ingredients past had.

When you look at these chemicals alone in little amber chemical bottles, they look like white flakes... vaguely similar to instant potatoes, or even... shall I say... dandruff! While it isn't as bad as it sounds, the effect they have on your hair certainly isn't as good as it could be, either! Most fatty alcohols are cheap conditioners that leave a hell of a lot of build up, with their nasty chemical white properties. I bet that some of the 'dandruff' people have is actually, in part, some of these fatty alcohols that have dried on their heads. Nasty stuff!

I wasn’t chemically adept enough to identify what the conditioning ingredient was in that dinosaur bottle from 1985, but I was pretty sure it was the LACK of those fatty alcohols … and more of something else, anything else… that made such a huge difference.. This was, in fact, an old bottle of Suave that I’d found. Back in 85, it was probably 50 US cents. Being one of the cheapest conditioners known to man (or woman), the actual conditioning ingredients couldn’t have been too expensive or exclusive at all. Suave isn’t known for it’s uniqueness as much as it’s cheapness and conformity.

Problem was… I started to examine conditioners… and almost every single conditioner had some form of this alcohol or that alcohol as it’s main conditioning agent. It seemed like a conspiracy. I literally examined hundreds of bottles. You try it!  See how much better you do.

Examining professional products didn’t help a damn bit either… Paul Mitchell, Nexxus, whatever…

They all sucked. Not just ingredient-wise, but in their effects, too – I tried many expensive, high end conditioners and found little difference between them and the "crappy" 99 cent products. At least in the sense that after a week or so, the buildup left by the conditioner would begin to make your hair look and feel progressively bleaker as you continued using it.

So what you’re reading here is a story of patience… lots of patience… hard work… thinking.. and yes, heroism.

Heroism, because, through raw persistence and personality alone, I finally found a very select few products that conditioned some other way.

First, it was just 2 products from a certain hair care company that I found at what was then a local health food store. I’ve since moved away and forgotten what these products were… but they were significantly better than any other conditioners I had used. It's a shame that I haven't been able to find them elsewhere -- perhaps the manufacturer went out of business.

For quite awhile, I read read the ingredients of at least 5 products every time I was in a drug store… ever hopeful that there would be some kind of cheap product that had fairly high distribution and availability, so I could actually find and buy the damn thing wherever i was. Then it happened. I found one. In fact, a line of them… And they were called… .

Citre Shine.

It was something like $3.99 US at a drugstore called Walgreens… Also available sometimes in a two bottle package for around $2.99 US at Wal-Marts and K-Marts everywhere… there were no "alcoholic conditioners" to be found in these damn bottles. Nope, whatever ingredients they used were completely sober, and they really kicked ass.

My theory was no longer a theory. These products, even when used day in day out, left hair looking and feeling absolutely marvelous. FAR better than the hair of most of my lady friends -- I made them envious. The nicer ones even gave me head pleasure…  It was a rotten exchange to be sure. But I loved every minute of it.

You do still get some buildup, sure… But I’ll tell you how to deal with that…

Whenever buildup is too much… perhaps every 2-3 months on someone with short hair… or, if you’ve got longer hair, maybe monthly… rinse your hair with vinegar… leave it in for about a minute… and then rinse the vinegar out very, very thoroughly… It’ll strip away most buildup, and leave your hair very soft, shiny, and full of nice light-reflecting highlights. You can also just switch to another product. Keep at least some other brands on hand and switch occasionally. Another non-alcohol one.

And, god, you will be rewarded. If you have a head fetish like me (in more ways than one, perhaps.. hee hee), you’ll love this... in a very big way! So go ahead, try some of these alternate formulations for a while. It gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'recovering alcoholic'!

Update

Citre Shine has introduced a new "Instant Conditioner". To get the sexifying hair effects described in this secret, you should stay away from this product. It does contain alcohol based conditioners, and provides very different results than the other Cite Shine conditioners.

Update   March 29, 2000

Citre Shine shines no more. Not like they used to, anyway. In fact, you could even say that Citre Shine has joined the ranks of --shiver -- The Dark Side.

All new stock (which you can spot with a redesigned bottle) of Citre Shine has been reformulated with cheaper ingredients, including a preponderance of cetyl alcohol.

As far as cetyl alcohol based conditioners go, Citre Shine certainly isn't all that bad. I'd put it up against most other $10-$20 cetyl alcohol based conditioners anyday. However, that still doesn't mean that it's optimal.

If you're stuck with using a cetyl alcohol based conditioner, here's a trick for you that'll radically enhance the results you get from the product: When you're finished showering, just rinse your hair with cold water. That's all there is to it. Cold water closes the cuticle, making your softer and shinier. Simple, isn't it?!

While this enhances the activity of any conditioner, it creates an even more radical night/day type difference with most of the common cetyl alcohol conditioners out there.

Better than merely using this trick, is to find and use a well formulated product. A well formulated product, for instance, will make your hair look better under more kinds of light than a cetyl alcohol based product (ie, a good hair conditioner will make your hair look healthy under fluorescent light, incandescent, full spectrum/sunlight, etc., whereas most normal conditioners won't). A good conditioner will also help your hair look better longer. After 12-24 hours, hair usually looks and feels like absolute crap after using a normal conditioner.

So then, a better product leads to a better long term solution. One of the best, yet affordable non-cetyl alcohol based conditioners I could find (after too many hours of tedious research!) is the "The Original Herbal Hair Conditioner" by Nature's Gate Herbal Cosmetics, in Chatsworth, California.

It's available at mostly health food stores, and costs between $5 and $6 for an ample 18 ounce container of this brown glop-like, but nonetheless miraculous hair conditioner.

If you're not able to find it locally, and can't get the local health food store to order it, try Vitamins.com. Do a search on their main page for 'herbal hair conditioner' or simply 'herbal hair' and the Nature's Gate formula that I'm talking about should be the first of the search results. Last time I checked, they carried it for only US$3.45.

Last time I visited Vitamins.com, I also saw that you get $10 off any order of $10.01 or above. That's a decent bonus. You could get a bottle of this and another $6-7 item. Heck, you could even get almost 3 bottles of this stuff, for almost no money. Good deal!