Are your facial expressions turning people off… or on?

Chances are that they’re doing both. Some are turning people off, some are turning people on… but wouldn’t it be nice to be in a little more control... to be able to use more of the expressions that turn people on?

It sure would! Nod your head 'yes'. Good.

Let me tell you about a simple exercise I've used to increase the control of my facial expressions. Here's what you do:

Get a small mirror, preferably one that can be propped up on it’s own on a table. What I want you to do with this is position it near your phone, so that during the next few conversations you happen to naturally have, you can monitor your facial expressions real-time.

You'd look like a lunatic if you did this in person. Using a mirror technique while on the phone is a really unique opportunity for you to get immediate, valuable feedback on what your face is doing while you express yourself. You can then use this feedback to adjust your facial expressions... to make them friendlier, and more alluring.

So what facial expressions should you avoid? What turns people off?

And which expressions will have a more positive effect? What turns people on?

Here are some things that turn people on:

-         nodding (indicates approval – not just of the ideas people are presenting, but approval of the person you're talking with themselves, which is extremely powerful)

-         smiling, smiling, and more smiling (indicates positive emotions and approval)

-         wide open, attentive eyes (shows that you're interested and receiving their communication -- open eyes being kind of like an open, as the saying goes, 'window' to your soul)

-         using contextually appropriate facial gestures (indicates honesty, leads to trust, and the ability to influence and lead)

Naturally, when you’re happy, smile. Cultivate toothless smiles, sly smiles, big toothy grins -- practice every kind of smile. Do people tend to complement a certain type of smile on you more than others? Work on making these more commonplace. It's easier to make what you already do well better, than to create a behavior from scratch.

Facial gestures that turn people off, when used out of context, would be

-         scowling

-         frowning (indicates negative emotional states, disapproval, and distaste)

-         squinting (conveys scrutiny or confusion, misunderstanding)

-         grimacing (often associated with horror)

-         scrunching up your face – making your face small (often communicates disapproval)

-         scrunching your eyebrows (often conveys confusion or anger)

-         other nervous habits: oral fixations -- i.e. fingernail biting, nervous tics, etc. (make people feel uneasy and/or feel that you’re underdeveloped and incompetent)

-         weird stuff that nobody but you – and perhaps not even you! – can interpret (just like verbal language, your facial gestures are in their own way words. Until you know someone well, you should avoid using ‘words’ that only you understand – they're gibberish! All facial ‘words’ should all have fairly obvious "dictionary" definitions)

-     contextually inappropriate facial gestures. (indicates dishonesty, leads to distrust, and the inability to influence and lead)

Contextually inappropriate facial gestures? This means that your facial gestures do not match your words or the feeling you’re trying to convey.

Naturally, if you’re trying to project yourself as someone friendly, you should be smiling, not frowning. However, if you’re obviously upset, smiling will indicate to the other person that you’re "off" somehow… and you may be perceived as a dishonest. (They'll pick up that your upset through other ways that you're unconsciously communicating -- such as your voice tone, bodily fidgeting, closed body language, etc.)

If you really do disapprove, then scrunch up your face, shake your head, and, yes, show your disapproval!

It’s very important for your face, your meaning, your words, and your body language to all be aligned in order to communicate one powerful, complete message at a time.

BASICALLY, make yourself LOOK like what you’re SAYING and FEELING.

And if you’re doing that – aligning your facial gestures with what you’re saying and feeling – and you’re still making lots of negative or turn-off facial gestures, then you probably need to start thinking and feeling things in a more positive way. You may just be 'down', or even depressed, which needs to be handled before you'll be able to use your face itself as an irresistible communication tool.

Some of the other secrets will help you to clean up a lot of negativity in your life, and develop the energy and passion necessary to communicate something wonderful through your facial and other bodily gestures. Be sure to focus on those.

Update

Your behaviors (including facial gestures), your mind, your emotions, etc. are all a big system. One things affects the other. Sometimes just smiling will make you feel better. Smiling to make yourself feel better wouldn't be contextually inappropriate -- no, it's not even in the category of 'context' yet. You're merely trying to improve the situation by enhancing your feelings. But continuing to smile when it doesn't make you feel better, or when you don't already feel good, is contextually inappropriate.

"Out of context" attempts to raise the general emotional tone are just fine. But be aware of yourself. Be aware of the motive behind your behavior. Is it really an attempt to raise your emotional level? Or are you using it as a 'mask'? Think of any kind of mask as a form of 'lying'. And like any form of lying, it will catch up with you, often sooner than later.